She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
PANTIES FOUND
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