Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
