Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
