Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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