My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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