$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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