After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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