I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
