Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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