i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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