She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
