I'm gonna have a badass scar
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so let's talk penis.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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