Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you didnt know i had herpes?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
