so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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