I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
