He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
