Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
