Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
