yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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