yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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