i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
