lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
