I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
