Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
