dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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