Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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