Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He felt like a one man threesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
