I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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