capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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