Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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