Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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