my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
