At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
