He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
