I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
