The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
