The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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