my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
