I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont even know how to be here
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
