just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
