so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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