omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Enjoy the penises
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
