I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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