he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
