I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
