Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
