Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
