There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
