In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
