There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
