I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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