one might say we're banned from that church
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
